Not feeling it today

Today has been a write off from the second that I woke up until now, just before I am going to bed.

I want S to admit what is going on, I know there is something more then what she is telling me, all the secrets and all the lies she has told me point directly at that. I need her honesty now more than ever. I don't want to go through the next two months wondering if she is with him, or what she is doing.

I know that I will never get the truth from her though, it's like she is incapable of it.

But I know her too well, I know what she is like. She won't want to be single, she hasn't been for at least 10 years and nearly 9 of those were with me.

UGH!