No Contact

I decided that I need to break absolutely all contact with S for a little while. It's nothing personal to her, but I need to properly have the space and time that I need to feel better.

I realized that for the past 2 1/2 months I haven't been living, I have simply been existing, and I have started to feel worse and worse because of it. I need to go and start living my life again, and filling my time with the things that I want to do, rather then moping about and pretending to myself that it will all work out fine in the end.

I went to her's last night and pretty much told her this, that I need to start living my life again, and that I need to start letting her live hers. She understood, I stayed the night(slept on the couch), and left this morning, and i have felt great today. Like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

My plans for the next few months haven't changed, I still intend on joining the Gym next month, I still intend on getting my drivers license. But I will be doing these things for me, and no one else.

I still wish I had someone to share my life with, but I know in my heart that right now, I can't have anyone because I will break their heart, I made that mistake before and I promised myself I wouldn't do it again.