12 Days later

It's been 12 days since S and I officially broken up. In that time I have seen her about 4 times and everytime that I do, I feel great that she wants to see me, and crap that it has to end.

I made a decision on Tuesday, something that I think we both knew would happen, and would only be a matter of time before it did, but I told her that I needed her out of my life for a little while.

I still love her, despite everything that has happened I don't think that I will ever not, but If I am going to move on I need to accept that the things that I want will never happen, and I can't accept these things if I am going to be seeing her every week in the next few months.

I don't know how long this will last, but it starts from the end of the month, she has suggested 3 months, I am thinking it might be better to go a little longer and say at least 6 months. She still tells me that she doesn't know what she wants, and that what is happening with G is more for fun then anything else right now and she doesn't actually know what she wants.

We both need to sit down and have a proper talk about how then next half year is going to play out, but for the next 11 days I will ignore that part and just try and enjoy the brief moments that she want's to spend with me.

I know that I can't keep her in my life whilst I still feel like this about her though, I know that she can't keep me in her life if she actually doesn't know what she want's right now. Maybe what we both need after so long together is some perspective on the situation that we have found ourselves in.

What I do know, after 10 days, is that I can't stay single for too long. In my life I have never not had someone around me at all times, I come from a large family and I have an Identical twin brother, I have never once been totally alone until now, and i honestly don't know how long I can take this for.