Rough with the smooth.

I had what can only be described as a little bit of a revelation at the weekend.

I went to see my mum on Saturday, decided that sitting in the flat on my own would have been the worst Idea, so got out and seen some family for a while. Seen my Mum, spoke to her about what's happened. She is understandably quite gutted, but I didn't go into the full details about it.

Anyway, trip out the house, back to my Sisters and I was sitting watching the tennis, fighting off my Sisters 3 youngest as they climbed be like some monkey bars, and I realised a couple of things.

I would never have kids with her.

I had to get out of there, went out into the back garden and I just burst into tears. It's a hard thought to take because I genuinely wanted that, and now it's never going to happen.

The other part I realised was that I wasn't just losing my partner and the woman that I loved, I was also losing my best friend, and that was the single hardest thing for me to take. I have known S since I was 17 years old in some capacity, either as a Pen pal, or friends or otherwise, to think that I am going to lose her from my life after all these years is killing me.