Right

So. It's been an interesting week to say the least.

I moved out of "our" flat on Tuesday, and it officially became "Her Flat" have the keys back and then went for a couple of drinks together. Tried to have a nice night, left her on the train at half 11 and went home and to my new life as a single man.

Wednesday rolled around, and all day, emails, nicey nicey, asking how my day was, if I was settling in ok, but also giving more information then I think she intended to. She has never been very good at lying, and when things change at the drop of a hat, it starts to get my suspicion glands going.  At 6pm all that commenced was complete, and utter, radio silence. No text messages, no phone calls, nothing. I tried to call her to see if she was ok, and her phone was off.

So I did the most monumentally stupidest thing that I could have done. I grabbed my keys, left my flat, jumped on the train and went to hers.

I don't know what I expected to find, that she was genuinely in bed and asleep after feeling ill all day, or that she wasn't in at all, and I would catch her on her way back from wherever she was, I don't know.

What I did find, both broke my heart, and killed any thought that I could have saved this at all.

I managed to get into the flat after about half an hour, I buzzed the entry buzzer a couple of times, and tried to call her, but they both went unanswered. When I saw one of the negighbours come out for a smoke, I took my chance and got it, went up the stairs. I could hear voices, not a voice, but voices coming from inside the flat, so I peeked through the letter box, just in time to see him coming out of the bedroom, what had been until 24 hours before, OUR bedroom.

I didn't do anything, not immediatly. Instead I went outside and let my initial anger simmer off, but I fired off a text message telling her we needed to talk, NOW. After half an hour, and no reply, I decided to confront it head on, and went back, got back into the flat and got myself in by ringing the doorbell until she answered the door. She pushed me into the room and got him out of the flat. And then the fight began.

I don't know what I was expecting. I thought that things that she had told me over the past few weeks had been true, that she did still love me and wanted time and space to figure out what she wanted. The first thing she said to me when he was gone. "WE ARE BROKEN UP". Cheers. You made that clear.

Spent yesterday in a bit of a daze if I'm honest. Decided to keep emails civil but off the matter of what had happened, but I know that this is over now, In my heart I know that I can't forgive her for what she had done, and how she had made me feel like this is all my fault.

So, yeah, not a great first week away, but nothing that I wasn't really expecting anyway.